WInter, Porridge, Barley and Six Miles

Well, where did that month go? Can't believe that I can see December on the horizon. Actually, there is no question that winter is here, the second quilt is on the bed, I no longer walk naked around the house (the budgie says thank you) and yes, Jilly's delicious breakfast crumble has been replaced by steaming bowls of porridge, topped with a few tinned prunes, some almonds and a spoonful of honey. It's great! You should try it. The honey keeps the colds and coughs away, the prunes keep me regular, the almonds keep my usual winter depression at bay and the porridge, well that just keeps me going!!

I need to keep going these days because in truth, I've never been so busy. Not only have I just launched a whole suite of sites that focus on internet marketing but of course, I am still running. I have just gone through the 6 mile barrier so that puts me on track with around 20 weeks to go, give or take, to keep increasing my distance by a mile every week. My initial course is well and truly waterlogged so I am starting to run round in circles (or figures of eight for a change :o).

To be honest, I'm enjoying it and what with the exercise, keeping busy, the almonds and staying off the alcohol (yes, still) I have kept my usual mind numbing and debilitating dark clouds away. If you too suffer from depression then I certainly recommend it. I'm actually enjoying have to light a log fire in the evening (as long as I don't think about global warming for too long).

I think that's about it for now (sorry, no poems about sex today :o) but I just want to mention barley for a second. You see, a friend of mine is a farmer and he told me that winter barley always crops better than the barley sown in spring. You see, even though the winter barley doesn't grow that much in the winter months, its roots have a chance to go deeper. When growing season finally comes with the warmer weather then whoosh! Off it goes. What's this got to do with this blog? Well, as I've just told I've just launched a site that specializes in internet marketing strategy and one of the tactics we talk about a lot of article marketing.

Well, think of articles as winter barley and you'll start to get the idea. The more articles you sow, the more time you allow to pass, the deeper the roots of those articles go. If you write and submit your articles correctly then it wont be long before other sites start to publish those articles. Over time, those articles get sucked into 'publishing databases' and then more sites publish your articles. Those early sites also start to mature, gaining pagerank and links of their own, thereby passing some of that authority to you. So there you have it, winter barley. It may seem that on the surface that not much is happening but there is a lot going on just below the surface, just like your articles.

New Words For 2007

I've started to hit a little wall as far as the running goes. I'm trying to get past the 5 mile mark but my left foot starts to get pins and needles and then it falls asleep!!! It's very frustrating really. It may be the new running shoes, it may be poor circulation caused by 30 years of smoking, it may be not stretching my calf muscles enough before I start. Don't know but like most boulders you coem across, with the right thoughts they can become pebbles (just hope I don't get one in my shoe :o). Anyway, enough of the marathon man, this came across my desk today and I thought it was well worth sharing :o) Apologies to those who are easily offended, please switch off your sets now...


New words for 2007

TESTICULATING. Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks.
BLAMESTORMING. Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was
missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
SEAGULL MANAGER. A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on
everything, and then leaves.
ASSMOSIS. The process by which people seem to absorb success and
advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.
SALMON DAY. The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only
to get screwed and die.
CUBE FARM. An office filled with cubicles.
PRAIRIE DOGGING. When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube
farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
(This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.)
SITCOMs. Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies
turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay
home with the kids or start a "home business".
SINBAD. single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.
STRESS PUPPY. A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and
whiny.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE. The fine art of whacking the crap out of an
electronic device to get it to work again.
ADMINISPHERE. The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the
rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often
profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed
to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" -
needless paperwork and processes.
404. Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404
Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.
OHNOSECOND. That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that
you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all')
GOING FOR A McSHIT. Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of
buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff
member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is
known as a McShit with Lies.
AEROPLANE BLONDE. One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black
box'.
AUSSIE KISS. Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.
BEER COAT. The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze
cruise at 3am.
BEER COMPASS. The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home
after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you
live, how you got here, and where you've come from.
GREYHOUND. A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.
MILLENNIUM DOMES. The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive
when viewed from the outside, but there's actually naught in there worth
seeing.
MONKEY BATH. A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you
go:"Oo!Oo!Oo! Aa!Aa!Aa!".
MYSTERY BUS. The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're
in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive
people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.
MYSTERY TAXI. The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning
before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a
10-Pinter in your bed instead.
PICASSO BUM. A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks
like she's got four buttocks
SALAD DODGER. An excellent phrase for an overweight person
SWAMP-DONKEY A deeply unattractive person
TART FUEL. Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women

Wipe that smile off your face. All the very best, Allen

Poems About Sex

I've just realized that I've been letting a few of you down. Some people would arrive here looking for poems about sex and all I've done is rabbit on about diet and running the marathon (going great by the way, weight still on the slide and will break the 5 mile barrier this week, will add sad map next time). Anyway, to right the balance and keep everybody happy, especially those looking for poems about sex, here's one from a few years back, you'll soon get the drift...

The Affair

Another row at home,

I'm feeling all alone.

I know her name is Pearl,

she's the office girl.

A twinkle in her eye,

glimpse of stockinged thigh.

Should I take a chance,

with hidden romance?

Then one night, stopped back late,

excuse for a date.

We went for a long walk,

a chance to small talk.

Opened up aching heart,

got hit (Cupid's dart).

Such a passionate glance,

then the naked dance.

Oh My! Steaming showers,

then, guilty flowers.

Such beautiful cream turned sour,

and within the hour.

So back to married life,

to my faithful wife.

Then it is those kids thoughts,

feeling out of sorts.

Plenty, heaps of remorse,

consider divorce.

Don't like thirty per cent,

or paying the rent.

Neither kids that are sad,

with their weekend Dad.

Those long, lonelier nights,

pained custody fights.

So now, feeling stupid,

I'm blaming Cupid.

Do I bare all and tell?

(No way, go to Hell).

Wish I'd never seen her,

grass wasn't greener.

You silly little cow,

finish it. Somehow.

Copyright Allen Jesson 1998-2006

Okay, that's about it for this post. Please comment of you want more....all the very best, Allen